101-96 WAYS TO ANNOY SOMEONE.

I told you I’d be back, yesterday. I always keep my word. (If you know me, I never keep my word. But, today I decided I’d do the impossible. Because YOLO. Okay! I’m never saying that again.)

Today’s motivation: A ball of hair. So, I need some real time to take off and rant. Because, personally, I’m a much sweeter person when I’m crazy. (Which is usually.) Anyway, moving on, I thought why don’t I dig up something that really annoys me and work it out. Try to find why it bugs me. And I did do that but then halfway through I realized, I’m not crazy to hate these things. These are actually really annoyingly gross things that people do. So, I came back on here and decided, heck, I’m going to write about my pet peeves. (I know you can already feel me going for the kill with this one.)

Leggo. (I feel like I should apologize for the constant leggo, but who’s a rebel? ME.)

1) Flicking boogers.
I know I’ve done it when I was younger. I know I’ve made balls and stuck them on walls. (I don’t lie okay? I’m honest here. More so than in real life.) Anyway, just because I did it doesn’t mean I can stand to see you do it. If you’re below the age of 11, then maybe I can let it slide. But if you’re already growing ‘watermelons’ and a ‘pair’ in the front yard, I expect some decency. Don’t try to find treasure in your nose and stuff all five fingers and a toe into your nostril. And if you do find anything in the bountiness your nose offered, don’t start playing bombing the city and flick them all over the place. Go home and calmly assort them into size groups and then deal with gravity. (Still helps after 17 years. Okay, moving on. Don’t try to decipher that.)

2) Not replying when I reply.
I’ll have people calling me a 100 times in a day but I’ll never pick up the call if I don’t feel like it. But when I do feel like knowing what happened after 350 calls, I get no reply. So now I’m stuck here wondering what happened. Was the person in danger? Did the person run into a pole while dialing for the 351th time and is battling between thinking straight and not thinking at all. (By this I mean concussions.) Or, if my mom calls at me from another room and when I yell back, I get no answer. (I know this happens to aaaaall of us.) So I sit there yelling what what what what like as if I’m set on repeat and retard. (If you’re my neighbor and reading this, now you know why I yell WHAT 70 times a day. I’m glad that’s in the clear now.)

3) Inappropriate Touchers.
These are the class of people who keep to themselves. But then, how exactly are they inappropriate touchers if they keep to themselves, you may wonder? Wonder. No. more! (I had to say that. It might help if you read it in a super voice.) These people are the ones who will shamelessly scratch their buttocks, their front yard, under the ‘cantaloupes’ and every place considered inappropriate-to-scratch-in-public imaginable. My personal best is the wedgie. People trying to free their fabric from in between the crack is in itself a show. The positions they get into to make it seem inconspicuous is literally #entertainment. (I probably shouldn’t observe people much. But life’s too little to be apologetic. :’D)

4) Running nails on the chalk board on purpose.
There’s a special place in hell for you people and it’s called, ‘No nails’. People who enjoy watching others troubled by this noise are the same ones who as kids wanted to rat on you wearing rainbow undies to school. (Not saying that I wore rainbow undies. Mine were just really VIBGYOR.) They just want to see the world suffer. So the best way is to take your nails, the ones you obviously didn’t care about enough, and run them down a chalk board. Because who doesn’t like the sound of naasty?!

5) People who take double the time you took to reply.
These are the types of people who will wait an entire day to reply just to put it across that they have their own lives going on. If, mistakingly you take two seconds to reply, this person will purposefully take an eternity to reply back to a ‘what’s up with you?’ message. Why? Because, god alone knows! Honestly, I don’t understand how a person replying to a message tells anyone about what they’re doing. You might be taking a dump and not reply to a message for 35 minutes (My average dump time, in case you were wondering. I feel like we’re starting to grow closer. How warm.) but people will just automatically assume you had someone over for tea, went to the Netherlands, rode a hump back AND visited the zoo with the Queen. So, to get back at you for not taking time off to reply, they take a year and a half to reply to your next message. (Just great.)

So, there. These are things that bother me. I have a couple hundred more but I figured I’ll save them for some other time. And besides, I don’t want you thinking I’m a person who hates everything. (Which I am but I don’t want you thinking that. Or thinking. At all.)

Until our time meets again,

A

Its not that I don’t like people and the tiny cute little things (not cute) they do. It’s just that I have zero tolerance to people and the cute little things (not cute) they do. Cheers.

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Published by: YOUR AVERAGE PEAHEAD.

'Girl don't need no coffee or alcohol to get pumped..' That was typically basic of me but Hey, there. You've made it to the weird side of the internet. I wish I was as pleasing as I think I am. If you're into poorly crafted jokes and random almost zero sense making one liners that pop up between my feeble attempts at trying to be funny more often than not, you should stick around. If you know me in person, I'm not the same awkward and mildly anxious doof that I am in real life. I'd like to think I'm a talking dance party on here. Please let me live in my head. Thank you and I hope to see more of you.