Will I ever fully tell you without breaking down in front of you?
I’d do nothing without you
I’m scared every time you step out of the house
I’m scared every time the cooker makes that frightful noise
I’m scared every time you wash the balcony and bend over
I’m scared every time you are.
I’m sorry for the hurtful things I say
I’m sorry for the deliberate pain I gave you that day
I’m sorry for the blame I thrust on you
I’m sorry for the things I don’t do.
I hate when you ignore me for your phone
I hate when you leave every morning for work
I hate when your hugs are weak from the strain of your job
I hate when your eyes are tired from the little sleep you had last night
I love that you put up with my antics
I love that you fry those sausages even when you’re tired and can’t lift a pen
I love that you get me tender coconut everyday
I love that you hand over any extra money you have to satisfy my undying greedy requests.
If it wasn’t clear already, ma, I’m telling you, nothing you do is going unnoticed. The only reason I say ‘I appreciate you, Ma’ every night before you turn off the lights is because I want you to know, I really do. Even when you’re tired you stand up and wait till I’m done with my weird ‘rituals’ (like we’ve named it) at night. When you stifle that yawn because I told you to stay mum and not distract me while I prayed, I see that but I don’t change it because honestly, it’s not me I’m praying for. If my prayer for you isn’t perfect, I won’t let it go. The times I’ve told you ‘Don’t touch me, my stomach hurts’, I know your face drops. I know you want to hold me and wish it went away. The times I’ve told you ‘You look over 70 years of age’, your laugh isn’t genuine. I was only playing with you. The times I’ve told you ‘Ma, I’m tired of teaching you how to switch the laptop on’ (I really am because you keep forgetting), I want to keep coming back and teaching you because I’m all you got and seeing you helplessly push the system away makes me want to kick myself in the gut for being rude.
The only thing you’ve ever wanted dearly are those coral earrings (no, they aren’t wrapped and waiting for you somewhere in the house. I couldn’t get them for you and I’m sorry. But you will get them!) but with that money, you decided you’d fund a boy’s dream. If I haven’t told you already, I’ve never been more proud of you before the minute you gave in to the idea of giving up on those earrings.
This is a letter I’ll give to you but this is a letter I’ll put up just so everyone who reads this knows what a beautiful heart you have. You’ve ever not been splendid (except that one time you didn’t watch me and I fell off a chair and almost broke my head open, oh and that time I stuffed almonds up my nose while you weren’t looking, oh and that time……… ) Anyway, if I haven’t told this enough times already, I LOVE YOU.
(So what I was saying before was, those superstar shoes have come down in price. I’ll wait for them on my birthday. Don’t forget, the white ones. NOT THE BLACK. I love you.)
Until our time meets again,
Thanks to everyone who wished her. Not only is she proud that I managed to make such amazing friends while being on here but she also genuinely wishes that every one of you stays blessed. Love from me and mama. 😀