INSTAGRAM TRENDS.

We’re going to pretend it’s a Wednesday and just going to let it slide. I have no excuses this time.

Blatantly self advertising because I’m pathetic in a way- I’ve done a post on types of people on instagram before. Right here. 

Instagram like our #bodygoals is constantly evolving, if I do say so myself. And being a teenager (I have to keep bringing up my age in every post, somehow.) with a good amount of body issues and well, erm… face issues, life issues, having no boyfriend issues, constantly out of pocket money issues, not enough food issues….. seeing the parade of perfection every single day on my discover page on Instagram, is strangely disheartening and yet motivating. So, I figured I’d do a ‘What I Think About Instagram Trends’ post because CLEARLY my opinions matter here. 

Leggo. (It’s been a while.)

1) Big titty and booty trend. (Just so you know, I am as uncomfortable typing that out than you are reading it. But if you’re not an immature three year old, then cool.)

I have a good mind to insert pictures here but the next thing I know, I’ll be slapped down with a case and someone who wants to sue me. *skip drama* Have you seen girls with the tiniest waist and the biggest upstairs and downstairs area? HAVE YOU SEEN THEM? I’m not ridiculing anyone that’s naturally blessed with an hourglass figure. *whipsherhair* But girls who’re cinching their waist with belts that look like it’s squeezing the living Jesus out of them, GIRL, what the heck you doin’? There’s a good chance you’re going to wake up with your right kidney in your butt and left kidney up your brain with the amount of pressure that’s on your torso. Even though I’d like to think it’s humanly impossible, you might be poppin’ around organs, for all you know. And also, how does gravity work for thou? How do you carry a ton of upstairs and a bulgeoning behind squishing your unimaginably teeny waist in 45 inch heels? MIND = BLOWN. (This is strictly talking only about girls who’re overdoing it with surgeries and needles and extra fat in their butts and who look like their legs are going to snap like twigs with all the weird unpropotionate enhancements.)

2) Neutral eyebrows.

See this is something I can completely accept, hands down. I’ve never tampered with my brows before recently. I’ve had a ridiculous unibrow for the longest time and when I say I looked like Bert from Sesame street, you take my word for it. No one pointed it out but it was an insecurity of mine until I decided to do off with it. Now thanks be to God, I have TWO eyebrows. I’ve never pluked, pulled, threaded, waxed or shaved off any other part of my eyebrows and seeing that the neutral, natural eyebrow trend that’s going on is almost (ALMOST) a close resemblance to the mighty mess that I have on my face, you should know, your girl’s super content with life and taking it one day at a time. Hallelujah to people finally falling back on the earlyman ways. Maybe woman staches could be a thing next year. 

3) Dabbing like there’s no tomorrow. 

On behalf of the human race, Dear Lord, I hope you have it in your heart to forgive  us for coming up with a thing called dabbing and an urgency to do it at every point in life. Amen.

When it first came out, I was a  HUGE sucker for it. A simple way to sneeze fancily. I was all for it UNTIL it blew up in everyone’s faces. It became such a huge thing (And still is, fascinatingly.) and now all you can see in every dance video that’s been made (Almost every.) is a very well concealed dab or a complete out there, IN YOUR FACE dab. There are girls driving and dabbing, exchanging dabs as a form of greeting (What has become of us?), dabbing as a way of saying thank you for coffee, dabbing in intro and outro videos of YouTube, dabbing at police officers because its funny (Come to think of it, that shit is funny.) and dabbing after saying amen because Jesus somehow cares.

*dabsandexits*

Like my homeboi Looney would say “That’s all, folks.”

Until our time meets again,

A

If you want to see me post every once in 575 years, come follow me. I’m just as cool on the Gram than I am here. (anyaabraham_)

I can’t say this enough because it’s super easy to misinterpret things over the internet but just to put it out there, there was no intentional snubbing or body shaming happening here and will never be. Each person’s idea of beauty is different. There’s just a certain point after which you start losing originality and become one among the crowd. So, here’s the thing. It’s okay to be you. There’s no one else like you and you don’t get company but that’s the thing. You’ll be the only you there is and bub, …… you’re a pretty dope you. Have a great day. 

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Published by: YOUR AVERAGE PEAHEAD.

'Girl don't need no coffee or alcohol to get pumped..' That was typically basic of me but Hey, there. You've made it to the weird side of the internet. I wish I was as pleasing as I think I am. If you're into poorly crafted jokes and random almost zero sense making one liners that pop up between my feeble attempts at trying to be funny more often than not, you should stick around. If you know me in person, I'm not the same awkward and mildly anxious doof that I am in real life. I'd like to think I'm a talking dance party on here. Please let me live in my head. Thank you and I hope to see more of you.

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