BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

DISCLAIMER: I MAY OR MAY NOT SPOIL IT FOR YOU. (Never mind I spoilt it.)

 

Not a lot of people say this to you (Why?) but I’m going to give you a head’s up. DO NOT READ REVIEWS AND EXPECT YOURSELF TO HAVE SIMILAR OPINIONS. (They’re nasty people.) Beauty and the Beast has without a doubt been my single most favorite Disney stories of all time. (I realize every movie of Disney’s is my single most favorite. Just go with it.) When I heard they were filming a remake of the movie, I nearly almost lost my shit. (All of it.)

So I dug deeper and almost immediately regretted it. The first bummer was that it was not animated. (Y u do this?) Second being that Emma Watson (Yes, ‘The Harry Potter’ girl. Come at me, Hari Puttar die hards. What’s good?) was to play Belle. It felt like living no longer made much sense because although she KILLED her role as Hermoine (I think. Again, COME AT ME!), I never pictured her playing Belle. Watching the trailer kind of put hope back into me. (Or it could be the background score that really got me excited tbh.)

The reviews threw me off again. Emma has always been a staunch feminist and all power to you, girl but what I knew was coming, actually came. Her role in the movie strangely reflected what she’s like in real life. (I almost hear the Feminists coming. I mean no harm. You go, girl.) But, here’s the thing. For a person that LOVED the original animated movie, being remade into the live kind, kind of threw ice cold water on all the feels. But, I still hoped Belle would be Belle, maybe an extra charm that Watson could no doubt bring to the screen. But, here’s what really happened. I don’t remember Belle being as …….. Not so Belle. The beginning of the movie felt like a proper musical. I did pretend to doze off behind my 3-D glasses (Which FYI decided to play slip and slide on my nose. Annoying piece of nonsense.) Gaston had what felt like a 140 minute song. While all of the characters in the movie stayed in the lane of the characters that previously played in the animated film, (I feel like i can’t say this enough) Emma’s Belle reminded me of Emma. I like my characters to be themselves rather than the actors, thank you very much.

Her way of talking did somehow sound ‘I don’t give two dimes about what anyone thinks’ which is quite the opposite of the Belle I remember and grew loving. (NO I’m not confused with Cinderella and Belle.) And the reviews told me exactly that. The movie was far too hyped for the performance that came through. So last night, in my head, I was prepared to bash it proper and I was bent on doing just that before the second half of the movie, which disappointingly was only filled with a gazillion songs and very very very unnecessary, hardly laughable quick wit by Lefou (Gaston’s little friend/puppety human.) The second half however, ooooooooooooh. Fancy fancy fancy. I don’t know if it was the second coffee that got me all excited or if it was the fact that they actually toned down Emma’s Emma in Belle and really stuck to the scenes of the original movie with very minor tweaks, but it really got to me. If I could wave my hands back and forth and beat my chest and run around the theatre crying tears of happiness and yelling “YASSSSS GEDDIT!”, I would’ve done it. Everything about the finale was puurrrfect. More drama and faaar less music. (See, I have a very real problem with musicals.)

I LOVED Gaston’s character. Boy oh boy did Luke Evans embody Gaston; unbearably annoying. JUSTICE WAS SERVED! With cream and strawberries on top.

My judgment (Which OBVIOUSLY matters) could be clouded by everything I read but Belle was definitely Emma. At least in the initial bits (K.I.L.L.E.D my vibe.) but props to her for gracing through the second half. (I’m going to give her that.)

Lumiere (The talking candle) was always a favorite and still remains my favorite after the movie. Chip had such little to do with anything, which is a proper tragedy.

They show a good, fair deal of the enchantress who casted the spell on the prince to begin with. The little eye contact with the camera just before she finds Belle crying over The Beast freaked the crap out of me because although she was in a few other scenes I never knew what she had to do with anything. But it’s always the silent roles that drive daggers into your heart. (Watch Agathe’s character in the movie carefully. You heard it from me first. You’re welcome.)

Was it worth two hours off of my weekend? The second bit definitely was. To wash the disappointment of the things that well, disappointed me (Duh!) I got some CHINESE! Also to celebrate another remake, I got more CHINESE! (We need excuses, we do.) With two cold coffees (Something I’ve never pulled off because Coffee was never a thing for me.) and a terrible sugar and caffeine high, I quite enjoyed the movie. (Ignoring the minor complaining.)

SPEAKING OF COMPLAINTS! I’m hoping the person that fitted those god awful new ‘innovative’ shitty ass seats in the theatre has a second to read this. FIRST OF ALL, WHAT ARE THOSE?! I had to clench all my muscles from the waist downwards to keep myself from sliding behind and having my whole entire butt hanging out the other side. Whoever thought that a lowkey glute workout while watching a goddamn movie was a funny idea, needs to be hit in the throat. (This could’ve contributed to half my frustration with little things in the movie. Just FYI.)

Until our time meets again,

A

LAST POST: A LETTER TO THE DOPEST FIFTEEN YEAR OLD I KNOW

INSTAGRAM: ANYA ABRAHAM

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Published by: YOUR AVERAGE PEAHEAD.

'Girl don't need no coffee or alcohol to get pumped..' That was typically basic of me but Hey, there. You've made it to the weird side of the internet. I wish I was as pleasing as I think I am. If you're into poorly crafted jokes and random almost zero sense making one liners that pop up between my feeble attempts at trying to be funny more often than not, you should stick around. If you know me in person, I'm not the same awkward and mildly anxious doof that I am in real life. I'd like to think I'm a talking dance party on here. Please let me live in my head. Thank you and I hope to see more of you.

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