I haven’t sat down and spoken face-to-face (Or screen-to-screen, ya know?) to y’all in a hot second. Before you read on further, I’m sick (I have the slightest fever but I’m going to pretend I’m dying.) and I’m cranky beyond belief (I’m also breathing fire.) I don’t have the time or the energy to brew stories (Did I say I have a fever?) or even half ass my way through a poem or something. Seeing that I’ve been keeping up my streak with weekly posting (I swear life’s just going to come at this and jinx the shit out of it in two seconds.) I figured, I’d just type and vent and type some more. Since I’m really, really jumping off the tangent here, I planned on collecting my thoughts (Nevermind, scratch that.) on pulling myself through more torture by throwing light on eeeeeverything that annoys the absolute crap out of me.
Even though I feel like I might’ve done something like this before because in case you haven’t caught on, I’m a super irritable person, I’m doing it again. It doesn’t help that I have a mole smack right in the centre of my nose which people like to believe gives me my temper. (I somehow find this a very Indian thing to say. It almost didn’t make it on here because of its pointlessness but here we are!) I personally think it has nothing to do with the mole but everything to do with everyone around me. But to each his own, right? Right.
Here are some of my pet peeves. (If you know me in real life, as in being more Anya than Your Average Peahead, your stupid ass habits have probably made it on the list. Please feel free and take it as a personal dig at you.)
- Burping: If I could stab a fork into your throat, you know I would. For people that do have a problem with gastritis, I do not feel you but I’ll let you off the hook because there’s nothing you can do to help it. But, there is a very specific breed, if you may, of monsters from hell who have to burp in your ear, in your face or just over your food because they know it revolts you. I’d rather have someone just come and barf into my plate than have you burp on my face. Another sub breed are those that want to give you a whiff of what they ate so they burp as loud as is needed to be heard from outer space and then blow in your face. (I’ve thrown up seventeen times just writing this. So, you know just how annoying this is.) You can fart around me all you like but burping is a strict no-no.
- Whispering over the phone: Im not a phone person, okay? Just putting it out there. Im not a person that’s ever comfortable with talking in real time.I like to take my time coming up with answers. So, while we’re on a call, I’m already worked up with the fact that this is an over the phone conversation but what really pushes me off the edge is you speaking like you’re putting a baby to sleep. This irritates me and wait for it, you. (Like, excuse me? Are you the one digging your phone into your ear because you can’t hear for nuts because I decide I want to be inaudible?) Because of your soft speaking, I try to raise my voice to even out the lack of noise coming from your side so naturally I’m yelling over the phone for no actual reason. And since I’m yelling, you try and shush me with a softer voice. Over the course of the call, I’ve heard nothing and I’m just either screaming or nodding, not knowing what you’re saying. And its not even my fault. (This is for one spefic person that talks like she’s being held captive all through the day every time she calls.)
- Talking in intervals: Humans just no longer understand the whole concept of sentence structuring anymore. Let’s all just break the smallest sentence into four millions parts and say one word every three hours. I don’t know if I’m the only one picking this up or if people actually speak in broken sentences. Before they’ve completed an entire sentence, the Syrian Civil War (God bless Syria. I’m not being insensitive but rather throwing light on what’s happening. This is far from being disrespectful. If you don’t know, crawl out from under your rock and educate yourself.) would’ve ceased and there’d be war no more. GOD FORBID this class of people sit around to share stories. That is the day I die!
- Looking at everything in the store: It didnt take me eighteen long years to figure out that my WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY needs to scan the WHOLE ENTIRE DEPARTMENT STORE before deciding what they want. What Ive yet to work out is if this happens because I tag along or if they actually only remember they need something once they see it. So, the only way to know what they need is to look at everything and if looking at anything hits a gong in their head, that’s what they need to pick up. So now you know if I say I’m going to get groceries with my mom and return when I’m seveny four, I didn’t fall down Alice’s hole. There’s no actual need for panic. (Side note: If I never return, I’m most likely shopping with Nani and her sister. Aka Hades’ mistress and her sidekick. WE IS NEVER COMING BACK.)
Borrowing books and never returning them:
Me holding onto your book is acceptable because lets be real here, I’d give the baby more importance than you ever did BUT if you ever take my book for a light read and forget the fact YOU’VE GOT TO RETURN THE DAMN BOOK BECAUSE I PAID FOR THAT SUCKER WHEN I COULD’VE BOUGHT MYSELF SOMETHING TO EAT, hope and pray I don’t take away one sock of every pair you own. (You can say goodbye to those toes of yours during winter.) Taking single books from a series and not returning it within a month really irks me because for a person that likes collecting books, it’s a strange sense of euphoria seeing all the books of a series neatly (Not so neatly given that I’m running out of book space) stacked. When one book is taken away, I can’t help but wish you were a fast reader and will return it in a day’s time. It’s just how my mind works so please mind me and pick up the hint if I constantly keep asking you about what you think of the story. When actually, I don’t give two dimes about what you think of the book. I just want to hear that you’re done reading it. Again, please do take it very personally and RETURN MY GOD DAMN BOOK, YO!
Since people talking to you even when you’ve got your earphones in is an everyday struggle for everyone, I’m just going to let it go. It’s depressing, it is.
Anyway, I don’t see why you’d like anything about pet peeves but if you did, orrrrrrrr if you could relate to some of these, we’re peas of the same pod. Either way, I do hope you liked it.
PS: I’m not taking down the Syrian War mention because it really wasn’t my intention to pull it in for fun. While I agree it is a sensitive topic, there are so many of us who don’t know what’s going on. I know I didn’t for an embarasing amount of time and I hope my taking it up actually got someone to go read about it and know what’s happening. For those that think what’s the point of knowing stuff if you can’t do anything, there’s always prayers you can send. (If you’re an atheist, ….. you can hope for the best?) And if there was anything that people could do and wanted to, you know they would. Again, since it’s really easy to pull threads off of fray ends on the internet, I wanted to get this out of the way. Thanks for reading.
Also, I had no idea I was spamming some of your comments. WP has been playing me and I’m sorry if people from community pool did drop by my site and comment because a few of your comments with your site addresses got spammed. God knows why but I did find the comments and I tried replying to the ones I could see. Anyhoo, if I haven’t replied its probably because I’ve lost your comment again. Sorry.
Until our time meets again,
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