THE TIME I SPOKE ABOUT THE WIMPY KID

I’ve maintained diaries/journals, if you may, for THE longest time now. (When I say longest I mean it’s my third year running which is pretty long for me, okay? Dun judge.)

Today’s motivation: The wimpy kid.(If you don’t know about it please Google it, educate yourself then go cry about why you didn’t know about it before because for reals, it’s gold.) So, as soon as I saw the covers I wanted to pick one out of my collection (I’m a hoarder, in case you didn’t know) and read it but what stopped me was a notification from WordPress. And that was it. I sly smiled to myself and sat down to write.

What roped me in to the idea of keeping a journal was this little empty diary that was a pretty brown and had, what I’d like to call, ‘art’ on it. So I picked it up and on the 6th of January 2014, I began my first diary entry. (Not going to lie, I’ve tried it before but this time was the real deal.) So, if you don’t have a diary/journal, I’m hoping this might help you.

Leggo.

1) Writing.
For people who love to write, I CANNOT imagine anything better than having to enter your day’s experiences in a diary. (Added advantage: no one’s reading it, hopefully, so you have the liberty to add in the spicy details.) If you absolutely love writing and you don’t know where to begin channeling all the skill and not to forget the sass that you were born with, WRITE A DIARY. Spontaneously just pick up a ‘book’, give it a name and begin writing to it. (If you’re not weird like I am, then you don’t have to give it a name. Totally optional. But if you’re a little wonked in the head, NAME IT. Like Princess Consuela or something.)

2) Something you can pour your heart out to.
To give an example, Peelu (That’s my diary. I know. I’ve been told I’m a little cuckoo in the head.) knows all the times I farted in public, silently. (Because I’m smooth like that. Like the silent ninja. You will never know when the bomb’s away.) Getting back to what I wanted to say, your diary will always have your back. (In my case, my butt. Geddit? No? Okay.) Your diary is never going to judge you on your face or wont ever throw dirty looks at you.

3) Rethink and reminiscence.
Now this can be taken two ways. Let’s consider the first possibility (I have no idea why the last line sounded like a math problem. Jeez.) Rethinking all that happened during the day: if it’s been a good day, then good for you. You get to relive it all in your head one more time as you pen it down. But if it’s been a bad day ……. yeah I got nothing good to say about that. If it’s a bad day, then it’s a bad day, get over it.
The second possibility being, imagine two years down the line, you stumble across this diary and you re-read all the nonsense (if you’re not like I am then you might have real content) your two years ago self wrote. JUST IMAGINE. If you can’t then let me tell you. IT’S AMAZING. Now, that is what I would call #gold. But if you’re this miserable person who only writes about all the non phancy bits of your life, then you is naasty because you chose to focus on only the negativity. (Okay, I’ll stop sounding like a teacher now. There, I stopped.)

4)This is a very important part – CONNECTION.
For everyone who already has the habit of maintaining a journal, you know how this works. But if you are new to the whole idea of having one, then let me tell you what I mean by connection. While you’re writing to your future self or just writing because you need to say something to someone and can’t find anyone else at the moment, you develop this understanding of who you are as a person. If you choose to focus on what you’re really writing as opposed to just writing for the entertainment you’d get several years later, you’ll start noticing a pattern that leads to understanding what your thoughts are, what you’re interested in, what you were interested in, what made you think about something so deeply, what made you not care about something and so many other things. (WOW. Was that almost deep or what?)

What my point is, writing a diary is an indirect way of finding yourself. (Not that I’m saying you’re lost but if you are then you can take it that way. Whatever sails your boat, boo.)

So there. Those were the things I came up with while I sat thinking about why in the world I had to write all of the day’s happenings on paper. It gave me insight on why I started this whole journey in the first place. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Maybe I can even read it to my kids. (Mommytales: The time your mommy threw up on the cutest guy’s shoe in high school. Ah the memories.)

Until our time meets again,

A

(Let’s pretend I didn’t get deep at the fourth point. I feel like my sass toned down a little bit there but then again scratch that because I just realized my sass is like the sun, nothing dims the sun. OH YEAAH!)

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WAYS TO BE USELESS 101

Now how ironic is it that I legit had to use technology to come up with an idea to write about? So this post is going to be about technology. (Like that wasn’t evident enough.) I saw a video a while back which got me thinking about how really dependant I was on technology to get my shiz done. Now, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate technology. (Heck, I more than appreciate it. I’d share a pizza with it) But, there are certain times I wished I still remembered how it was like to be independent and useful. (Unlike right now.) So, here are a list of things I wished I still knew.

Leggo.

1) Spellings.
There was this time that Android didn’t have spell check(or if you’re fancy, autocorrect) and you’d have to enable it for it to start working on your phone. I still was bad at spelling but I knew something was up if there was a red line. So while I was still using that version of Android I knew half my Goddamn spellings. But ever since I began using the gift of the gods, otherwise known as autocorrect (I’m fancy too, okay? Spell check is sooo 2010) I can’t spell for nuts. I legit can’t spell ‘disappointed’. Now that seems right but what I spell on a daily basis is ‘dissappointed’. Now, that’s a problem (My English teacher would be dissappointed). Also, you’d think I’d know how to spell ‘scissors’ or ‘tomorrow’ but, NO. For the longest time, I’d been spelling them as ‘scissorrs’ and ‘tommorow’. (And I’m not even kidding- I don’t even know how I came up with the spelling for scissors.) So whenever I need to use tomorrow, I’m still a little unsure about the spelling so I just use ‘morrow’. (I KNOW. GEEEEENIUS-Oh, speaking of, honest to god, I spelt genius as genuis. For real. Not even kidding. That happened. Just right now.)

2) Things, in general.
If you were to ask me what you should have for breakfast today, I’d literally Google ‘Things to have for breakfast if you’re lazy. Ps- It’s a Wednesday morning’. And don’t even try to lie to yourself, I know you do that too. I know you, boo. I got you. If you called me up to ask for a problem which I would have known and arrived at the answer if I sat down for three minutes and tried to work it out, I’d already be typing the entire friggin’ problem out in the search bar to find the answer and then take credit for it. Also, if you asked me what day today was, I’d switch my phone on and check my top bar. If you wanted to know the time and the only reason you asked me was because I was wearing a watch, I’d never look into the watch. Guess where I’d look into? Yep. My phone.

3) Directions.
Now, if you know me personally, you know I suck at directions. I can’t even tell you how to get to my house if you’re two streets away from it. I’m that bad. I can’t remember street names, places or buildings but what I can remember are the names of all the people that worked with Obama. I’m that good and I’m not even ashamed of it. (A tad bit maybe but I could easily not care too.) But if you were to give me internet access, hon, I’d take you places you’ve never been to before (And then we’d get lost coming back but that’s not what I’m getting at.) My GPS game is so lit that I never have to remember places. I mean, why would you? If you screw up, you can always blame the GPS or the satellites or the prime minister or the water department. But, if you took matter to your own hands and directed people using the knowledge in thy head and ended up in the South of Africa, then there’d be a problem. So again, technology deprived me learning places and I’m not even mad.

4) Phone numbers, birthdays, things to do. Holy lord, responsibilities.
If you check my phone right now under a folder called Life, here are the things you’d find. Reminders for the day, week and the month. (I keep them all updated. Haphazardly and that is why I don’t get things done), birthdays (I have birthdays of probably 17 people registered but wish only 8 because the other 9 never wished me), phone numbers (I can’t…..I can’t even elaborate on this. Not even going to try to because I’m bad at remembering phone numbers. Period) and lastly, notes. And what, you ask, do I need notes for? To write about all the songs I heard but couldn’t download immediately. To write the names of people because I’m stupid and I can’t remember stuff. To write the ONE thing I was supposed to get from the store. If it wasn’t for these, I’d have no life and negative friends. Not zero but negative. (Which is why I’m glad for the three friends I do have)

So there. Technology saved my butt a ton of times which makes it all the more reliable. Which is bad because hello? you’ve got a brain for a reason and you’re the most highly evolved animal but you can’t remember stuff for shiz but can come up with stuff that’ll keep downing your brain performance. Funny people, humans are. But, no one’s complaining because I, for one, couldn’t imagine life without technology. So, NOPE to early-man kind of living without technology. I’ll pass, thank you very much!

Anyhoo, until our time meets again,
A

(Feel free to leave a comment down below. Don’t be shy. Do it. Go ahead. DO IT. I dare you. I DOUBLE DARE YOU. DO IT. JK.- No, I’m not.)

HIGHSCHOOL!

Heyloooo! It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote. I am soowwwiiiieee (AH GOD! Please remind me never to say that in public. It’s cute tho)

So, I’m writing my final college exam in another week and a half and sat thinking about how fast everything went by (the two years went by hella fast for me) and as one thing led to another, I thought back to my high school days and sat wondering how at the same time two years ago I sat thinking about high school and how fast that ended too. So, I figured why not write about these two experiences I was blessed enough to have.  Even though college is as fresh as Rihanna’s new album, I thought I’d start with high school. No harm in reminiscing a little. Leggo.

Let’s get started.

  1. Friends.

If this was not already obvious, then you must have had a rough high school. Im sorry. Deep prayers for you. But, if you’re one of those people that had a lot of friends to keep company and to play around with then I’m guessing high school must have been a breeze. Because let’s be real here, if you didn’t have friends, you wouldn’t have survived high school. You didn’t have an identity. You didn’t have ish, bro. You were a no one. Sowie it’s the truth. (I can’t stop with the sowie.)

2. Random toilet breaks.

Even though your bladder was empty and had a desert situation going on there, you’d just have to go to the toilet when your friend side eyed you and got up to leave to the toilet. Because there will never be a better place to discuss about how boring the class was or how good your crush looks or how bad ‘her’ hair was two weeks before. It’s like the toilet was loyal to everyone in there and kept all of our dirty little dark secrets with it. It was a place of sanity. (Ours was also a place of no sanitary sometimes but it was our place. OUR PLACE)

3. Lunch breaks.

Even if you had the worst lunch packed for the day, you’d still wait for the lunch break. And why? Because you were just like every other normal teenager. These were the times that you were PERMITTED to be stupid and laugh like a seal and make whale noises and jump desks and spit water while laughing and untie someone else’s hair and get into fights and wash your hands in someone else’s place and make tiny dirty water puddles in class and eat everyone else’s food besides yours (only if yours sucked) and do all of these all at the same time. Because high school, people. (Side note: I didn’t forget the routine walk to the washroom with your girls/guys. We know we all did that. Pfft)

4. Peer evaluation.

I think there is nothing more stupider than this. Nevertheless, I loved whenever this happened. Except for those times when my paper got into the wrong hands. Now honestly, there were girls in my class that hated the best of us (JK……….Not I’m not). So, if my paper got to that one person that hated my guts, I was done for. I’d get a zero no matter how good my answers were on the French Revolution and WHY? you ask;  because of the one time that I made fun of her skirt being too high it was almost a choker. But, if my friends evaluated it, I’d be getting a 97 even if I wrote a female walrus was called a seal. (I was a real brainy kid in school. Evidently.) So yeah, again it was all about friends.

5. Physical training period.

Now if you’re not physically active and hate running half a court just to collect a ball that was going to be thrown at you anyway, then this must have been the worst period next after social studies maybe. But for those of us who loved getting all sweaty (and depended on these periods to contribute to the weight loss regimen that you were undergoing) then these were the best. Not only could you play and be bomb at the game but you could also put down others who couldn’t play as well as you did and randomly throw something and apologize for being clumsy because HEY it’s sports, you can never judge where the ball rolls (such brats that we were). Also it was partly about showing off to the boys how well you could handle the balls. (If you didn’t narrow your eyes and sly smile at this, you must’ve been a good kid in high school then.)

 

So these were some of the things that I miss about highschool. There are so many more things but they continued well into college as well so once I’m done with college, you better look out for the things that I missed about college.

 

Until our time meets again,

 

A

 

(Be spontaneous and go call one of your high school friends. Who knows? If you don’t already have a potential maid of honor/best man, you just might now ……………………………………….)

Even The Mighty Fall On V-Day.

This god awful holiday is the single most annoying thing to have in a year. February 14th might be the best day for a few, the worst day for a few and for a few (I include myself in this category rightfully because I’ve been single my entire life. Yes. Pathetic. I know. ) a dim, overly exaggerated day of suckiness.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am all for love (not really) and spending time with loved ones and all that shiz but why make a complete day out of it? Is it only on this day that you make your better half or someone else that you love feel good and important? The days of the rest of the year are off days for you and you don’t have to celebrate your loved ones? Why this day in specific? Why? ( Lol. If questions could be funny this would be funny. Oh wait they already are. No, they’re not. :/)

What’s a post without my own take on this day, huh? Let’s get started.

  • This day shouldn’t exist. Period.

Speaking for all of my fellow ‘singlites’/’singlians’/you can fit your own suffix, like being single doesn’t suck enough; we need to sit through a whole day where all you see everywhere is LOVE. There are some of us who believe love does happen to every one of us and we’re destined to have someone else listen to the crap going on in our heads, it’s the hardest on them.  On the other hand for those who don’t believe in the whole concept of love and other heinous feelings that could cause potential damage to the wellbeing of the mind and heart ( and by this I mean love), it’s just painful to watch how others are gifted with the power of being in a relationship and understanding the intricacy of feelings. (Blech)

 

  • Sending flowers/chocolate to oneself shouldn’t be considered retarded.

See, when you’ve just received flowers from XXX and you’re XXX, it’s evident you sent yourself something special because you’re a pitiful person that’d never get into a relationship because all you do is Netflix and chill with yourself and pizza and the occasional nutella jar. So the last thing any of us spending V day alone needs is people judging us by our pajamas, messy hair and bare feet holding our wonderful self-bought gift. Especially the delivery guy looking at us like we’re retarded. We know we’re crazy but hey, can you take it easy on us? It’s just like delivering any normal package except I just wrote a love note to myself. (I like to nurture and care for the romantic I am at heart :’) Just saying)

 

  • Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat and other photo sharing sites should completely be shut down on the 14th of February.

Why, you ask? Because the only thing more annoying than seeing people all lovey dovey is, seeing people all lovey dovey. So we know you’re in a relationship with this guy/girl and you love him/ her which is why you bought him/her a friggin’ phone and a puppy and a face you can think about at night but do you really think we asked for the 24 pictures in the album titled ‘Day out. V day. #loveofmylife #heartbeat #puppy’.  Be vocal. No one really cares. But being that vocal and straight up in everyone’s faces, not cool, bruh. #noswag.

 

  • Restaurants-don’t hike your prices for the single people as well. #Rudemuch?

This is not a myth. It’s true. Ever heard about specials? Yeah there are those wonderful things on V day as well but the only difference between the specials on regular days and the specials on V day is that on regular days you don’t have to sell a kidney to afford the specials that they have on Valentine’s day. You get me? If I’m single and I want to spoil myself and take myself out to a fancy restaurant and buy myself a good dinner I should be able to do it without having to buy just a soda and a dish with three leaves on it because I couldn’t afford to pay for the specials. Cut the ish, please.

 

  • Couples throwing subtle digs at the ones who’re single this year.

Hallo? If I wanted you to tell me how much of a blessing your partner is and how amazing the feeling of love is, I’d be on your Facebook account for three days. (Honestly, it’s more educative than actually hearing it from the people.) So don’t come up to me and try to mix and match me with all the friends you’ve ever had in your life time. Although I admit it might work sometimes, V day is not the day to start a relationship. Because for all you know the other person might be tired of being single and he/she might jump at the first opportunity of having action on this day. SO, NO. (Unless you want to get hurt and then find yourself back to square one except this time you’re no longer stupid.)

 

So there. These were some of things that I had in mind about valentines day and in all honesty even though it might appear like im trashing people who are in relationships, I am not. Love is power. And even though I don’t believe id ever find love, secretly, im on the lookout. I am. I am. (Talk about hypocrisy. Sheesh.)

 

Anyhoo, until our time meets again,

 

A

 

I hope you have a great day. Don’t forget to get back to the one you love, tell the one you love how much they mean to you, make them feel celebrated and live life. :’)

JOUR UN(DAY 1)- MAKEUP

(I’m not French. I just learnt French for about two years.)

I might have already lost you by that title, but if you are still reading on, then kudos, sister. Or brother. Hey hey, I’m just spreading love. Spreading love, people.

It’s going to take a while for me to really get to my point but in all honesty, Imma get there. Maybe not as quick but I’ll be getting there. What’s a post without some randomness.

Now, judging by the title and if you’re really meaning to read this, then you must wonder what I have in mind. To be honest, I don’t think I have it figured out myself. Well, we’ll see.

The reason why I took up this affair is because I strongly feel for it. This is not something I’m trying to trash about but it’s something that I’m trying to express views on. Views that might not particularly please everyone. But, hater’s gonna hate, right? Right.

PROBLEMS I HAVE!-

1) Makeup is gold.

-To whoever thinks that makeup is stupid, you do you and I’ll do me. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like the fact that I slap on three different types of foundations, line my eyes 34 times and swatch 7 lipstick colors on the back of my hand to get that perfect mauve. What really matters is how comfortable I am. I’ve been trashed about not feeling beautiful in my own skin which according to people is ‘to die for’. And I’m not just bragging about it (totally am- my skin’s like pumice) but this is the real deal. I’ve got aunties coming up to me and asking what I do to keep my skin spot free. (This is true tho. I promise.) Now my skin has a fair share of spots on it and unwanted discolouring but I think I’m good for the next, say, three years. (I swear I’m going to wake up with a pimple tomorrow. I might have just jinxed it.)

So I do need makeup and YOU DO need to shut up about my craze to wear wakeup. I wanna look like Amy Winehouse, I’ll look like Amy Winehouse (No hate. No disrespect but that liner game, mmh). I wanna look like Heidi Klum on Halloween 2k15, guess who’s going to look like her? Me. So cut us girls wearing makeup some slack.

2) Stop rubbing it in our faces that we got makeup on.

– With all due respect, shut up. Don’t tell me I can’t eat a banana because I have a red lip on. (To all my fellow filths who pictured the graphics, hola) If I want to eat something, don’t ask me if ‘I’m not scared to ruin my makeup’.
Hallo? Food first.

Oooooor, if I wanna do something don’t try to stop me thinking that I can’t handle it JUST because I wear makeup. It doesn’t work that way, boi.

3) Highlight.

-To everyone who has been trashing makeup gurus on their highlighting craze, let’s be real here for a minute, highlight is life okay? It’s life. A dead sooted look that is supposedly called matte doesn’t work for everyone. If they want to be all about that shimmer, shimmer away butterfly. Want to blind everyone with that highlight? DO YOU!

4) Brow game.

-My brow game so strong, its hitting its 484858th touchdown. That’s how on fleek my brow game is. That’s how lit it is. That’s how legit my brow hair is. Mm hmm. (I have a lot more of those but I’ll stop for now cause I might have just lost a couple more readers. But hey, again, hater’s gonna hate. Missing out on gold here, people. Solid.

5) Red lip.

-Now who said it wasn’t right to walk out with a red lip because of the attention it would get? NO ONE! So do YOU! You wanna wear the brightest red that humans have ever seen, wear it, girl/guy/I’m not trying to be disrespectful. If you want to gloss it up, gloss it up you may. If you wanna matte that shiz, do your thing. Just get that whole red lip classic thing that ‘he’ likes on point (And if you didn’t sing that line in your head, what are you doing with your life? Where have you been?)

So there! Those were the things that I thought and I still think are ridiculous instancea in life that I might have come across or heard about people talking about it and I had an opinion on it that I wanted to share. If it was in any way disrespectful, I’m sorry. It was purely unintentional (Except for a certain thing but we don’t have to figure that out now)

Until our time meets,

A

(I’m not French. I just learnt French for two years)

HELLO, WORLD!

 


Jumping straight into what this whole blog business isn’t about is, it’s not about life, friends, art, literature, travel or miracles. It’s about food. That’s what this is about. Or i might even be just kidding. Which I totally am.

Quite frankly, the theme’s all set, I’ve got a supposed username or something of that sort and I’ve got an account but what I don’t have at the moment is, and I am going to be brutally honest, an idea. No idea. Nil.

But what its really about is ….. Journey. And if that doesn’t explain much then you might as well keep reading on and figure out yourself :’)
(Let’s just ignore the FACT that I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’m writing on and no clue what that ‘journey’ thing means either. Sounded deep at least)
I hope ‘any’ of you like anything I post on here.
WARNING- We might get a little deep.